The Tediousness of Life

Before I begin, I must sincerely apologize to my readers and my supporters.  I have lacked faithfulness and fidelity to this blog, but I assure you my zeal for the mission has not waned in the least.  Rather, my zeal for the mission has only grown leaps and bounds, especially ever since my tenure with FOCUS officially ended in August 2014.  The mission lives on, and I aspire to live out this mission-- "to know Christ Jesus and to fulfill his Great Commission by first living and then communicating the fullness of life within the family of God, the Church"--every day. If I succeed, is a whole "nother" thing.

But zeal seems to contradict the title of this blog post, doesn't it?  In fact, I would say that the "tediousness of life" is the antithesis of zeal, passion, and mission. (Feel free to argue with me).

Cardinal Ratzinger, before he was Pope Benedict, once wrote, "The deepest poverty is the inability of joy, the tediousness of a life considered absurd and contradictory."

When I first read those words, my heart was moved and felt genuinely sad for those who experienced that absurdity, that contradiction, that tediousness.  Yet, here I am today, getting a taste of that poverty. 

Since graduating from FOCUS and my crazy life as a missionary where every day was a new adventure, I have fallen into a pattern of the nine-to-five life.  Let me give you a glimpse of my daily routine:
  • 5:45AM my alarm rouses me from my slumber, and I shuffle to the bathroom, and eventually to the kitchen for breakfast. 
  • 6:20AM as I finish my breakfast I grumble hello to my roommate who comes down to make her tea. 
  • 6:30AM my wardrobe options for the day are laid out on my bed.
  • 6:45AM I am walking out my door to my car, most likely tripping over some form of frozen water whether it be ice or snow. 
  • 7:10AM I pray to Jesus in the same method and fashion I prayed the day before. 
  • 8:10AM Jesus comes to me in the Eucharist (more often than not I seem to be unmoved, even though Heaven and Earth are greatly moved in the moment of the consecration).
  • 8:30AM my laptop begins booting up as I make a cup of coffee in the break room, mingling with the few people already in the office. 
  • 9:00AM the work day begins.
  • 5:00PM the work day ends and I hop in my car. 
  • 5:15PM go to the gym, run a few miles, stretch while some awkward men incorrectly use the weight machines. 
  • 6:15PM travel home for dinner, where I usually put on an episode of The West Wing while I cook and eat. 
You get the point.  There is a routine, a schedule, a pattern to my days that repeats for five days in a row every week.  I won't lie to you, dear reader.  There are variations and moments of adventure, but for the most part my life has fallen into a pattern.

This pattern has deeply impacted my spiritual life.

It has lulled me into a stupor.  It has lured me into a place of comfort.  It has tempted me into the doldrums circa The Phantom Tollbooth.  I have permitted my conversations with Jesus, my Lord and my best friend, to become rote.

I would say that my days are peppered with true joy, and moments where I get to serve my co-workers in a beautiful way.  But I have fallen into exactly what Pope Benedict wrote about earlier: "the tediousness of a life considered absurd and contradictory."  Doing the same thing day in and day out can really cause one to question their existence, their mission, their being.   I think this tediousness is a disease that plagues much of the United States! 

So what's the cure?  How do I get out of this funk? 

No, it's not pampering one's self until the dull ache of tediousness is washed away.  That dull ache will always come back.  Trust me, I know.  I have fallen into the worldly solution of attempting to pamper myself out of this cycle.

No, it's not just shaking up the routine, and doing something new, or throwing new things in there.  Trust me, I've tried that too.

No, it's not just "trying harder" to be joyful and to superimpose meaning on your daily routine.  Trust me, I've tried that as well.

So what is the cure?  And what on earth does my opening paragraph about my zeal for the mission have to do with all of this?

I'll leave those questions 'til next time I write. (Which I promise will be soon and not three years later).  But for now, check out Cardinal Ratzinger on the New Evangelization.  You might find some answers there.

 

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