Something Worth Fighting For
"We're in a war, man!" Name that movie. Anyone? Well, you probably can't name it because it is such an innocuous and obscure line from Mulan. Yes, the cartoon.
For whatever reason, it has always stuck with me, and often comes up when I think of the spiritual life. It captures what I need to be reminded of sometimes. We are in war! This war may not involve impressive martial arts skills. Nor does it involve a bunch of cartoon characters breaking out into song. But this war is for my soul and your soul. It demands that we know who we are fighting and what we are fighting against. It is only with this knowledge that we can choose our appropriate weapons.
My current battle ground: my life, my priorities, my time.
So quickly and so easily I find myself bowing to the pressure to stay at work for "just another hour." Or cutting my prayer time short so I can finish a production schedule because "Jesus understands." The voice of the American culture that says my worth and value depend on my productivity and efficiency is taking up territory in my mind and heart.
I am fighting for dear life to keep Jesus on the throne. Some days, I am successful. Other days, I simply cry out to the Lord for his mercy. And even, other days, I just fail. But day in and day out of this battle, I am learning how I fall and how (through the grace of God) I succeed. So dear readers, I thought I would impart upon you some of the things I've learned.
Saying "no."
This is the hardest word in the English language for me. "No," "No thanks," "I can't." It's like I was never taught those words and phrases growing up. When I'm asked to take on an extra project or hop in and help a co-worker, my automatic response is "sure", "yes", and "you got it!" But it's when I keep saying yes, yes, yes to work, that I am saying to Jesus, "No." (Ouch!) It has meant for me longer hours at work, and less time in prayer, checking my email after I've left the office instead of being present to the people around me, and, sometimes worst of all, doing work on Sundays.
I've started to reclaim that pesky two letter word and wield it for good. When I'm asked if I can take on another project, I assess my work load before responding. Which means sometimes I say "no." When I'm asked if I can proof read something before it goes out, I ask when it will be done. If it's 6:30pm at night, I say no. It still pains me to say no, and sometimes work does not like it. Sometimes I'm seen as the crazy one, or the one holding the team back. And, this is hard. But, that small scary little word is helping me create boundaries, which helps me let some things be sacred...
Letting some things be sacred.
I was reading a book recently on the charism of celibacy. To set up the whole exhortation on celibacy Fr. Thomas Dubay begins by defining the word "holy" -- to be set apart. The Israelite people were called to be a holy people, a people set apart from the world so they may be a beacon for all to come to God. We as disciples of Jesus Christ are called to be holy, to be set apart from the world, to be a lighthouse to all those thirsting and longing for more. If we are called to be set apart, we need to set apart some time in our lives. So we can step away from the culture and the world. So we can see clearly our lives and all that is around us. If we don't know how to let our time be holy, how can we become holy? We who live within the confines of time?
For me, this started with letting Sunday be sacred again, letting it be holy, set apart from the other days of the week. This means if I have a shoot on Monday, I'm trying to get everything done on Saturday so Sunday can be reserved for Mass, rest, and recreation. But even during the week I have moments and times that need to be sacred. My prayer time first and foremost. To fight the temptation to skip out early, I go to where Jesus is present. I go to a Church with a tabernacle. It's hard to leave early when He's right there. (Talk about the best accountability partner ever). Or, I go to daily Mass. It's a set amount of time. I cannot speed it up no matter how much I am saying in my head "Father, let's go!". I simply need to trust the Lord with my time (and my work for that matter - that it will all get done, especially when I am tithing some of my time to the Lord).
By setting aside time where I can be with the Lord, or where I can just be me with Jesus, I have begun to hear the lies that I have been living by. The lies that the world is telling me. And now that I can hear them, I can start to reject them...
Rejecting the lies.
"If you leave now, everyone's going to think you're a slacker." "If you're not busy, you're not working hard enough." "If you don't proof this seventeen times, you'll miss something and then you won't be perfect." "You can't be the first one to leave - the first one to leave is the least hard working." These are the lies that plague my heart. These are the lies that tell me my worth and my value is rooted in my work, my productivity, or simply the guise of my work. These are the lies that lull me into staying at work later than I need to, or looking at those emails over the weekend when I'm supposed to be resting or present to friends and family. When I am taking the time to pray, to rest, to be still, and to do things other than work, I am better able to hear those lies and notice them.
But, it's not enough to notice the lies, is it? They need to be called out. They need to be put in their place. They need to be shown the door! Get behind me, Satan; you and your filthy lies. While I want to be valiant in my rebuking, more often than not it's a timid, stumbling, hesitant whisper. As the temptation creeps in at the end of the day or as I begin to doubt my worth while everyone is working when I'm leaving, I'm not brandishing the Cross in the direction of the Deceiver. I'm internally struggling, weighing, and wondering. But it has been amazing to me how powerful a simple reminder to myself is: "Ann, you are not your work." Maybe one day I can be as kick ass as Saint Joan of Arc, but for now, quietly and simply rebuking the lies helps me to leave on time, reclaiming those few small moments for Jesus.
It's so easy to lose track of what it is I am truly fighting for - my holiness, my sanctity, my soul. It's so easy to forget that I am at war, and to let things slide. It's so easy to get caught up in the American way, the careerism. But when it comes down to it, I need to be perfected in love. Not perfect in the things of this world. Not perfect in the project calendars I collate. Not perfect in the emails I send. Not perfect in the budgets I manage. I need to be perfect in love...
Then what is love? (Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more).
Rather, the question is who is Love? God is Love. And all love flows directly from Him. If I need to be perfected in love - I need to go to the source. I need to say "no" to the good things so I can say "yes" to the Great Thing. I need to set aside time so I myself may be set aside, may be made holy through His hands, through His words. I need to reject the lies and live in His truth, His truth which forms me in love.
We are at war. But your soul, my soul, is worth fighting for.
For whatever reason, it has always stuck with me, and often comes up when I think of the spiritual life. It captures what I need to be reminded of sometimes. We are in war! This war may not involve impressive martial arts skills. Nor does it involve a bunch of cartoon characters breaking out into song. But this war is for my soul and your soul. It demands that we know who we are fighting and what we are fighting against. It is only with this knowledge that we can choose our appropriate weapons.
My current battle ground: my life, my priorities, my time.
So quickly and so easily I find myself bowing to the pressure to stay at work for "just another hour." Or cutting my prayer time short so I can finish a production schedule because "Jesus understands." The voice of the American culture that says my worth and value depend on my productivity and efficiency is taking up territory in my mind and heart.
I am fighting for dear life to keep Jesus on the throne. Some days, I am successful. Other days, I simply cry out to the Lord for his mercy. And even, other days, I just fail. But day in and day out of this battle, I am learning how I fall and how (through the grace of God) I succeed. So dear readers, I thought I would impart upon you some of the things I've learned.
Saying "no."
This is the hardest word in the English language for me. "No," "No thanks," "I can't." It's like I was never taught those words and phrases growing up. When I'm asked to take on an extra project or hop in and help a co-worker, my automatic response is "sure", "yes", and "you got it!" But it's when I keep saying yes, yes, yes to work, that I am saying to Jesus, "No." (Ouch!) It has meant for me longer hours at work, and less time in prayer, checking my email after I've left the office instead of being present to the people around me, and, sometimes worst of all, doing work on Sundays.
I've started to reclaim that pesky two letter word and wield it for good. When I'm asked if I can take on another project, I assess my work load before responding. Which means sometimes I say "no." When I'm asked if I can proof read something before it goes out, I ask when it will be done. If it's 6:30pm at night, I say no. It still pains me to say no, and sometimes work does not like it. Sometimes I'm seen as the crazy one, or the one holding the team back. And, this is hard. But, that small scary little word is helping me create boundaries, which helps me let some things be sacred...
Letting some things be sacred.
I was reading a book recently on the charism of celibacy. To set up the whole exhortation on celibacy Fr. Thomas Dubay begins by defining the word "holy" -- to be set apart. The Israelite people were called to be a holy people, a people set apart from the world so they may be a beacon for all to come to God. We as disciples of Jesus Christ are called to be holy, to be set apart from the world, to be a lighthouse to all those thirsting and longing for more. If we are called to be set apart, we need to set apart some time in our lives. So we can step away from the culture and the world. So we can see clearly our lives and all that is around us. If we don't know how to let our time be holy, how can we become holy? We who live within the confines of time?
For me, this started with letting Sunday be sacred again, letting it be holy, set apart from the other days of the week. This means if I have a shoot on Monday, I'm trying to get everything done on Saturday so Sunday can be reserved for Mass, rest, and recreation. But even during the week I have moments and times that need to be sacred. My prayer time first and foremost. To fight the temptation to skip out early, I go to where Jesus is present. I go to a Church with a tabernacle. It's hard to leave early when He's right there. (Talk about the best accountability partner ever). Or, I go to daily Mass. It's a set amount of time. I cannot speed it up no matter how much I am saying in my head "Father, let's go!". I simply need to trust the Lord with my time (and my work for that matter - that it will all get done, especially when I am tithing some of my time to the Lord).
By setting aside time where I can be with the Lord, or where I can just be me with Jesus, I have begun to hear the lies that I have been living by. The lies that the world is telling me. And now that I can hear them, I can start to reject them...
Rejecting the lies.
"If you leave now, everyone's going to think you're a slacker." "If you're not busy, you're not working hard enough." "If you don't proof this seventeen times, you'll miss something and then you won't be perfect." "You can't be the first one to leave - the first one to leave is the least hard working." These are the lies that plague my heart. These are the lies that tell me my worth and my value is rooted in my work, my productivity, or simply the guise of my work. These are the lies that lull me into staying at work later than I need to, or looking at those emails over the weekend when I'm supposed to be resting or present to friends and family. When I am taking the time to pray, to rest, to be still, and to do things other than work, I am better able to hear those lies and notice them.
But, it's not enough to notice the lies, is it? They need to be called out. They need to be put in their place. They need to be shown the door! Get behind me, Satan; you and your filthy lies. While I want to be valiant in my rebuking, more often than not it's a timid, stumbling, hesitant whisper. As the temptation creeps in at the end of the day or as I begin to doubt my worth while everyone is working when I'm leaving, I'm not brandishing the Cross in the direction of the Deceiver. I'm internally struggling, weighing, and wondering. But it has been amazing to me how powerful a simple reminder to myself is: "Ann, you are not your work." Maybe one day I can be as kick ass as Saint Joan of Arc, but for now, quietly and simply rebuking the lies helps me to leave on time, reclaiming those few small moments for Jesus.
It's so easy to lose track of what it is I am truly fighting for - my holiness, my sanctity, my soul. It's so easy to forget that I am at war, and to let things slide. It's so easy to get caught up in the American way, the careerism. But when it comes down to it, I need to be perfected in love. Not perfect in the things of this world. Not perfect in the project calendars I collate. Not perfect in the emails I send. Not perfect in the budgets I manage. I need to be perfect in love...
Then what is love? (Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more).
Rather, the question is who is Love? God is Love. And all love flows directly from Him. If I need to be perfected in love - I need to go to the source. I need to say "no" to the good things so I can say "yes" to the Great Thing. I need to set aside time so I myself may be set aside, may be made holy through His hands, through His words. I need to reject the lies and live in His truth, His truth which forms me in love.
We are at war. But your soul, my soul, is worth fighting for.
Love it! Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteAunt Susie