Relax

"Relax."
A command so often given,
Advice so often dispensed.
"Drop the 'shoulds'"
Isn't that in and of itself a "should"?
My intensity, my drive is so often guided
By this misguided direction, end game.
The perfect Catholic.
Who is she and what should she look like?
How do I become her?
How does she live and who is she friends with?
What kinds of conversations does she have?
Where does she spend her time?
Relax.
Relax?  But shouldn't I be driving, striving for perfection?
An objective, a destiny, a destination.
The saints, I'm mimicking.
There are only so many hours in a day
Heaven seems forever away!
Let me attain it, let me work for it, let me hustle, and bustle.
Here I am a flurry of activity, so busy you can't see me.
Does anyone see me?
Lord, you know when I sit and stand
When I run, when I pray, when I fast, when I work, when I go, go, go.
It's all for you, Jesus.  I promise.
It's got nothing to do with me.
I offer it, I give it.
But is this what you want?  Is this what I should be doing?
Should, should, should.
Drop the "shoulds" they tell me.
Relax.
But isn't there a life I'm meant to be living?
Isn't there this idea God has for me?
"I know the plans I have for you."
What are those plans?  What if they pass me by?
Let's go get them - and live 'em!  I can't sit still.
But, Ann.
What?
"Relax. Let me love you...now."
In this moment, and where I am
You want to love me?
But I'm not there yet, I'm so far away
I have so much to learn, to do, to achieve, to be.
Virtues, I lack.
Prayer, sometimes I skip.
You can't possibly want to be with me.
You have plans for me that I need to achieve, a dream I need to reach
Give me a few days, weeks, months, maybe years.
I'll get there, I promise.  I've got this.
A few more goals, a little more accountability.
A spiritual director, maybe.
Gather more holy friends.
I'll attend some retreats, glean some wisdom.
More Adoration, and definitely more Confession.
Heap up, add on.  Build up the list.
Relax.
"Daughter, your faith has saved you."
"Child, your sins are forgiven."
"I do will it.  Be made clean."
Should I relax?
"Behold, I make all things new."
Rest.
I don't have it all together, my outside looks better than my in.
I've been traveling at 100 mph, but it's time to reign it in.
Double check the map, my route, my destination.
He's not out there, He's right here.
Look no further, work no harder, strive no more.
It's time to meet the Lord.
Time to drop the "shoulds."
Relax.
Here I am, Lord. 
Here and now...

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